This past November, I attended the Reform Movement's Biennial Convention. This large convention brings together Reform Jews from the United States, Canada and beyond. The conference is offers a unique opportunity to learn from master teachers and experts in various fields.
This year, Rabbi Joseph Telushkin was one of the featured speakers. Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, a Modern Orthodox Rabbi, is widely known as an author and a spiritual teacher. He is known for creating works that I would call “Jewish library must-haves”, among them: Jewish Literacy, The Most Important Things to Know about the Jewish Religion, its People and its History; Jewish Wisdom, The Essential Teachings and How They Shaped the Jewish Religion, its People, Culture and History, and Words that Hurt, Words that Heal: How to Choose Words Wisely and Well. These few books, some of which I'm sure you've heard of, demonstrate that Rabbi Telushkin is a beloved, and significant teacher, lecturer and thinker, in Jewish life today.
I was very excited when, after a magnificent lecture, he announced his new series of books, entitled: A Code of Jewish Ethics. At its completion, he will have three volumes. The first, You Shall Be Holy, was published early this spring.
In his introduction, Telushkin creates a powerful thesis argument. Religion, he argues, is not about ritual, but essentially, and at its most vital, about ethics. He writes, “Most significantly, the word “religious” has come to be associated exclusively with religious observance. Thus, when two Jews are speaking about a third and a question is raised as to the persons religiosity, the response offered is based solely on that persons level of ritual observance, from which we may from the peculiar and inaccurate perception that in Judaism ethics are an extracurricular activity and not very important.”
Telushkin reflects on the thousands of years of Jewish teachings, from classical and non-classical resources, in order to focus on what he believes is the primary role of religion: “to improve our character and become more honest, decent and just people”.
The format of the book is very specific; he has created what he specifically has called a code. A code is a specific type of legal compilation, first designed in the middle ages to be more user friendly than the difficult to navigate Talmud. By using chapters, divided into themes, and then numbered paragraphs, Telushkin enables his readers to research a given subject easily-for example, “how to forgive” . Telushkin, importantly, builds upon the medieval format: he doesn't rely only on laws to teach, but on anecdotes as well. He argues, “although the Torah contains a large number of laws, 613 to be precise, anyone who has read the Torah and the rest of the Bible knows that it is not a dry legal text, Rather, it is filled with hundreds of stories that serve to illustrate the many laws it mandates.” On that basis, Telushkin has wisely added stories from experiences of his own, others he knows, and from whom he has learned.
The format of the book is important, for it allows us easy entrée into his very important subject matter. In chapter 1, he restates his thesis, that religion is based not excusively on ritual acts, but on becoming just, kind and decent, more in depth. He reminds us of a famous quote by Rabbi Hillel, who when faced by a non-Jew who challenged him to convert him while he was standing on one foot, replied: “What is hateful unto you, do not do to your neighbor. This is the whole Torah! All the rest is commentary. Now go and learn it.”
For him, kindness is paramount; after kindness come learning and achievement. Telushkin shares an observation, that, as a rabbi who loves working with children, struck me deeplyn: “ Most parents . . . take greater pride in their children's intellectual or culture achievements ( and in the case of girls, in their good looks) than in their kindness.” In a footnote, he writes, “Even if they do believe that, they rarely act as if kindness and ethical behavior were their highest priority. . . .compare how rarely we hear parents brag about a child's kindness with how often we hear them boasting about a child's other accomplishments.”
As a rabbi, it is sometimes hard to listen to high school students struggle as they rattle off their list of activities, tell me about their grades, and then lament that they still, after all that work will not get into the college of their choice. Their list of accomplishments-band, soccer, yearbook, cheerleading, impressive AP test scores-are pretty amazing. For years, however, I've worried that the kids were being forced to create impressive resumes of achievements, rather than to become concerned with being a good, kind and ethical person who is true to themselves. Having this book, written by such a preeminent figure in Judaism today, helps me with my work, immeasurably, and is a reassurance that I am not alone on my journey!
Telushkin's book is 520 pages long, and covers such subjects as: Judging Others Fairly, Good Manners and Civility; Fair Speech; Leading a Holy Life; and God and Goodness. This is not an exhaustive reading of the Table of Contents; it is only a glimpse into the depth of Telushkin's major work. To read each section, each chapter, is to learn from ancient sources, and contemporary ones, on how ethical living is vital-and doable-in our lives.
To best demonstrate Telushkin's passion for this subject, I will spend time teaching abou the chapter entitled “ Anger”. I chose this chapter because I feel it is so necessary for our society today. Anger-uncontrolled, more often-seems to pervade our society, and I find it damaging and disturbing. Additionally, I see an increasing inability to appropriately express frustration and dissatisfaction. In fact, just a few weeks ago, a woman in a car blocked my way onto a road, forcing me to remain on the wrong side of the street, and began screaming horrible epithets at me. She put me, and herself, in extraordinary danger. I found her uncontrolled anger unsettling; after the incident was over I pulled into the closest gas station to regroup!
I am not the only one to have experiences like this. Additionally, I would be remiss if I did not admit to occasionally bouts of bad tempers with store clerks or other service personnel. I'm sure we've all been frustrated by an employee who seems unhelpful, or a store policy that feels ridiculous. Yet, as we focus on ethics, how are we to deal with such anger-from others, and in ourselves?
Quite obviously, Telushkin cites the damaging nature of uncontrolled anger. Calling it the most destructive of emotions, he cites a Talmud passage: 'When one becomes rageful, God becomes of no consequence to him” He points out, too, in another Talmud passage, “It is certain that the sins of the angry man outweigh his merits”. A difficult story is shared by Telushkin: “a distinguished sage, Rabbi Sheshet, when angry, used to pour brine, a pickling solution, on his maidservants head. . . . “ For what was Rabbi Sheshet remembered? His anger, not his teaching or his deeds, are his legacy.
Indeed, anger is debilitating, and leads us away from becoming our best, ethical self. Telushkin believes we can always control our temper. He believes that the first step to restraining ourselves is not to believe that we can't, but that we are able to control our temper, and not be controlled by it. He suggests that we work on developing greater patience for short periods. A teacher, Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, teaches that we try to figure out the half hour each day during which we are most likely to lose our patience, and then attempt to work through it, rather than give in to it. Telushkin, through the teaching of Rabbi Moshe Goldberger, author of Guard Your Anger, even offers a Hebrew phrase that can be used almost like a mantra-repeating the phrase over and over again to help one gain control in a tense moment: Al tehi noach leekh-os-do not become easily angered.
Of course, there are times when anger is justified; no one can say there aren't. We will become annoyed and frustrated with work partners, with loved ones, and of course, with store clerks. But Telushkin feels that we should learn to separate out the times when anger is justified with times that are perhaps, frustrating, but where anger is unnecessary and unproductive. We should, he believes, be aware of what we're feeling-of where our boiling point is and learn to avoid it-but, if anger, or a fight, is necessary, we should learn to fight fairly. For example, don't confront at the highest moment of your rage; allow yourself to calm down and regain clarity.
At times, it is difficult to let anger go. Telushkin offers this as a help to those who struggle: It is customary, upon bedtime, to recite the Sh'ma. Some also repeat this prayer, before reciting the Sh'ma; God, I forgive all who have caused me to become angry, and all those who have sinned against my body, my money, my honor or anything else that is mine . . and no one should be punished because of me” This prayer, Telushkin believes, will help us gain clarity and calmness. We, he teaches, “will be less likely to find ourselves consumed with grudges and anger, more likely to feel forgiving toward, and less angry at, those who have hurt us.”
Anger is a dangerous emotion, and when left unchecked, can lead to permanent damage-whether physical or emotional. As a society, we see the results daily. Telushkin does not make excuses for inappropriate anger and counsels us strongly. I find it helpful to return to this chapter when I struggle with my own anger, as well as when I am on the receiving end of anger that feels untamed and out of control.
In summary, this is not a book that one would naturally read all at one time, or even, perhaps, in order. It is truly a reference book, designed to help us reinstate ethics as the essence of religion. While, at times, I found the book to be a little heavy handed-the many, many, examples felt, for lack of a better word, “preachy”. This criticism not withstanding, Telushkin has not only created an important reference volume, filled with information, he has called to our attention the need to reclaim ethics as a central part of Jewish life. I know that, in my work, I will enjoy having such a powerful volume to refer to when encouraging parents to raise ethical children, concerned not only with achievements, but also determined to be kind, fair, and just.
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