Unlike the symposium presenters last year, I had the full summer to prepare for mine, thanks to Rabbi Stahl's mini-sabbatical. However, the extra time didn't help me to organize the fragments of memories that make up the impact of Judaism on my life.

vLike many of you, I have grown up in Texas, mostly El Paso, where the ability to lead a Jewish life is hindered by the non-Jewish majority around me. I still remember the December after I had attended Kutz Camp, infused with new Jewish traditions, and singing Christmas Carols in high school with my Kippah on. At the time, the irony of that situation was lost on me.

At the same time, I remember spending most Friday nights at my grandparents' house, where we would light the Shabbat candles, recite the Hamotzi and Kiddush, and usually attend services. Becoming Bar Mitzvah had come back in vogue for Reform Jews, and that ritual had special meaning for me. I was glad that I had the opportunity to become Bar Mitzvah, to learn to read Hebrew, and understand the meanings of the service. My grandmother, who grew up in Galveston under the great "classic" Reform Rabbi, Henry Cohen, used to tell me that Bar Mitzvah was rarely performed. As Rabbi Stahl said last night, it is good that some things change.

I also spent two years of high school living in Galveston. What a change from El Paso where there were many Jewish kids my age. There were eight in my Confirmation Class, which incidentally, was taught by our own Rabbi Stahl. Those of you who have been confirmed here can imagine what it was like to have Rabbi Stahl administer exams when there were only eight students, and he certainly knew when you missed services! One of my fondest memories of that year in Galveston was a Yom Kippur afternoon service which Rabbi Stahl wrote in part, and which the confirmation class helped to deliver. Recently, I asked Rabbi Stahl if he still had the service, and he gave me a copy. I would like to read an excerpt:

Gracious God, high above us and deep within us, we thank You for the Torah, our tree of life. It has taught us how to live and it has given us a purpose for which to live. It has made us into a people that cherishes study and learning, growth of mind and spirit. It has inspired us to practice kindness and charity, to fight for justice, to pray for peace.

At the time, I didn't fully understand the meaning of those words. In fact, the early years of my adulthood were spent without much religion in my life. I didn't affiliate, didn't attend services, didn't connect with Judaism much, if at all. Judaism was at the periphery. During that period, I learned the value of not making vows to oneself. I had vowed as a teenager not to marry a non-Jew. Well, these types of vows don't work too well when one falls in love, I found out. Fortunately for me, Mary became a Jew by choice, and at about that time, my interest in Judaism was re-awakened.

It was through the Introduction to Judaism classes that both Mary and I attended, that Judaism started to move closer to the center of my life. For the first years of our marriage, I had lived the trappings of Judaism, going to High Holy Day Services, eating "Jewish Soul Food", fasting on Yom Kippur, promising to attend services more than twice a year. In the classes, I learned about study of Torah, Acts of Loving-kindness, and worship. It was these three pillars of Judaism that came to guide me in Jewish living.

Because one of the requirements of the Introduction to Judaism class is to attend services regularly, we discovered other families who also were at Temple almost every Friday night. Many of them had children similar in age to our own. We found that some, like us, did not have extended family near San Antonio. We became acquainted with them and, over time, have developed lasting friendships so that we have extended families in close proximity after all.

Believe it or not, one of the biggest influences for change in my Jewish life was selling bagels on Sunday mornings. It all started when I said I would help out selling one Sunday morning, several years ago. Before I knew it, I was responsible for the bagel sales for the next year. One sure way to meet people at the Temple is to be there every Sunday selling bagels. Before then, I had always felt like an outsider at Temple, after meeting some of the wonderful congregants, I felt more like "one of the crowd".

One of the things I had always envied about my parents was their sense of community, the closeness they had with their friends. I had always assumed that this happened because they had grown up in El Paso and had known some of their friends since childhood. In reality, my parents made the acquaintance of many of their friends after reaching adulthood, and Judaism had everything to do with it. Well, I can say the same for me. When Mary and I first moved to San Antonio, we felt very much alone, knowing hardly anyone from here. But the Jewish community was there for us, and the sense of community runs very strongly for me now. We are now part of a group of families who have a strong Jewish identity. We attempt to experience the holidays together, and with our children, live Judaism.

Since I started meeting more people in the Jewish community, I have tried to be more involved in volunteering. Spending nights at the SAMM Shelter, drywalling for Habitat for Humanity, driving for the Red Cross, and participating in Mitzvah Day activities have helped develop the "Acts of Loving-kindness" pillar in myself. These acts, while not overtly Jewish, make me feel more Jewish just the same.

So what does all this mean? Many of the things I have described are acts or experiences which most of you have encountered at some point in your lives. What creates the Jewish impact? No one of these will create this impact, nor necessarily will all of them. One can move through life acting Jewish without really being Jewish. So often I have felt like I am going through the motions, doing the things that on the surface seem like the "Jewish thing to do".

And then, I see the look on my eldest daughter's face when she gets involved in the service, the excitement my children show when they go to camp (and the Jewish experience is anticipated as much as the "camp" part), the warmth I feel from friends when we have Shabbat dinners together, the joy of studying Torah with my students in Religious School, and I know that there is more Jewish contribution than "what's on the surface".

How has Judaism impacted my life? Being Jewish has shaped my attitudes, my feelings, my outlook on life. Judaism has moved from the edges to the center. It is my life.

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