Rabbi Stahl sent me a letter back in May asking me to speak today on the impact of Judaism in my life. When I received this letter, I thought to myself: This is going to be the shortest speech I have ever given because I have only been Jewish for three months...I had just converted to Judaism in February! Seriously though, the truth is that Judaism made an impact on my life long before my conversion and even long before I met my husband, Michael.
Although I grew up an Episcopalian, I had alot of Jewish influence in my life as a child. My closest friends and neighbors were Jewish. Lisa Dreeben lived a couple of blocks in one direction and Suzanne Sterling lived a couple of blocks in the other direction. We spent most of our time together and our parents were also very close. I was never aware of any difference between our families except we went to Christ Episcopal Church for Sunday school and they went to Temple Beth-El, and of course, we celebrated some different holidays. As long as I can remember the Dreebens and Sterlings came over every year about two weeks before Christmas and helped my family decorate our Christmas tree. Each one of them even had and still has their favorite ornaments that only they are allowed to put on the tree. They are very possessive about these ornaments. This tradition has been kept up pretty well although its tough getting everyone together every year the older we get.
In turn the Dreebens always had us over for one night of Hanukkah and we did a lot more than just eat and open gifts. Alan always made a point to give us an explanation of what the candle on that night of Hanukkah represents and explain to us why Hanukkah is special and what the holiday means. It was definitely an important annual experience for my family. Barbara always made the most incredible meal that makes my mouth water just thinking about it. It is her fault that I have such a weakness for potato latkes! Again, once we got older it was hard to get everyone together but we have managed to keep it up. This past year was very special to me because I was in the process of converting and had learned for myself about the holiday and had also taken Hebrew lessons. So I was able to participate in the prayers over the candles with Alan. I don't think I let it show that night, but I can say now that sharing that job with him was a very emotional for me. Alan has always been a very important figure in my life and someone I respect and admire so, so much. To stand by his side and read the words he had read to me and that had intrigued me for so many years was truly an incredible experience.
In addition to celebrating holidays together, we also took turns going to Sunday school at church and temple. I think I went to Sunday school at temple more often than most visitors because I remember the teacher telling me that because I was there so much I should take all the tests along with all of the other students. After that, I decided I went to Temple Sunday school way too much and Sunday school at church became much more appealing I went to the Jewish Community Center day camp in the summers but I can promise you that I never knew I was at a place that was there for people unlike me where I didn't fully belong. I never once felt like I was different.
As well as sharing so many experiences and holidays, we shared something that was not so tangible. We shared family life. So much of a family life that when my mother went to the hospital for surgery, my parents sent me down to the Dreebens to live while she recovered. And I remember the day Paige Dreeben was brought home from the hospital, as if it was yesterday, just a few days after being born. She was the first baby I had ever held. Essentially, half of my childhood was experienced with the Dreebens and the Sterlings. This is why I've always called Barbara and Alan and Francie and Harris my “other parents.” They have always treated me as their own child even down to being sent to my room!
It was all of these things that helped me feel just as comfortable participating and sharing in the Jewish religion as I did participating in my own Episcopalian religion because they were always treated equally as important by my family. My parents always taught my sister and brother and me to not only tolerate different ways of life, but to learn them and appreciate them. I have tried to live my life by this and I guess you could also say I took my parents literally when I fell in love with my Jewish husband, Michael!
After dating over a year Michael and I had discussed marriage very seriously and we had agreed to raise our future children Jewish. We were not engaged at this point, but for those of you who know Michael, he likes to make all his plans and decisions with plenty of time to spare! I decided I would embrace Judaism as my husband’s religion and for the sake of my future children, but I was going to remain an Episcopalian.
Making this decision to raise our children Jewish was not a struggle for me because everything I associated with Judaism was positive. I knew that there was a lot that appealed to me about Jewish life. My knowledge was certainly naive, but nonetheless, I felt that Jewish people had an incredible sense of family. Of course I still believe this, but I also realize now, that the families that gave me my Jewish foundation had a lot to do with this.
After Michael and I were married and settled in I began to think about this decision that we had made and I began to realize that I did not know the first thing about leading a Jewish life. I thought it would be wise for me to do some research and take some classes. Then when we began discussing starting a family, I realized I would be raising my children blindly. I would not be able to help them learn about their heritage, their religion or even answer the most simple questions about Judaism. This is when I chose to take a class that the temple offers called Introduction to Judaism. I was taking this class strictly to learn a little more about Judaism. I was not planning on converting. I didn't do the reading on a schedule of any kind and if I could not attend, I did not worry about it. Toward the end of the class and after doing some of the reading, I was really becoming interested. We had covered some subjects that had always been big questions to me. I was hearing explanations to these questions I had about religion that made sense to me and that I could realistically apply to my life. I wanted to learn more. I wanted to continue finding answers that made sense. I realized I wanted to be Jewish. This was the first decision I had ever made completely and totally on my own without influence from my peers or family. I didn't even have to continuously try to make the decision on my own. It came to me very naturally as if this was the way it was always supposed to be...no struggle at all.
Now that I had made the decision to convert, I practically took the class over again because I had done so little of the reading and had missed several of the classes. Doing this only made me that much more excited about Judaism and even more eager to learn. I took Hebrew classes which gave me a whole new lease on my recent decision. I was so anxious to read the Hebrew that several Shabbat services went by while I was deciphering one line in the Gates of Prayer, from the first five minutes of services. When I would finally figure it out, I would elbow Michael to tell him what it said as if it had not already been read nearly an hour before.
Although I was so comfortable with my decision, I had not told my parents and I was struggling over how to do this. I was so concerned that they would feel betrayed or feel a sense of loss. I didn't want them to think I was any less their daughter because I chose a different path than they had taught me. I didn't want to disappoint them. It's true that they had always taught me to be the way I was and not to be afraid to make decisions...that the most important thing to them was my happiness. I still couldn't shake this fear for whatever reason. Maybe because I am the baby or maybe because I had always taken more of a religious stance than anyone else in my family and I wasn't sure I would be taken seriously. Who knows, but I was wrong.
When I finally mustered up the nerve to tell my parents they were thrilled for me. All this time they had been waiting for me to tell them...isn't it weird how parent always know. They knew the whole time...but were waiting for me to choose the right time to tell them. They were so taken aback by how scared I was to tell them and I explained why as I just explained to you. Instead of the feeling of disappointment and betrayal I had foreseen, this was what my mother said to me. She said that she and my father were so proud that they had raised me in such a way that I was able to make a decision like this and that making this decision was so important to me. She reminded me that this proved that I was that much more their daughter, not any less, that I had lived by the values they had instilled in me growing up. I was relieved and touched by their reaction. I had made the right decision for myself and they were behind me. What a great feeling that was and still is today. Soon after that was my actual conversion ceremony. Both my family and Michael's family were there in full support of my decision.
My conversion to Judaism has had a very positive impact on my life in several ways. One of my favorite aspects of the Jewish religion is the importance of the Sabbath. I think it is so important to be able to step back from the fast pace of every day life. Taking a break can really have a therapeutic effect on a person. If you spend all your time trying to move ahead in the world by working ridiculous hours every day only to come home to plop down on the couch in front of the TV, you'll wake up one day only to ask yourself where your life went. It is so easy to get caught up in this routine in today's world. Shabbat services really help break that routine for Michael and me. We certainly don't go as much as we think we should but when we do it makes the week that much better for both of us. We need time to gather our thoughts, to spend quality time with those that we love and Shabbat services is an excellent excuse to do this. Observing the Sabbath keeps us sane and makes us much better people for it.
I know my family respects me for my decision to become Jewish and I think it has strengthened our relationship in several ways. As I said before, it really was the first decision I had made without any influence from my family and I think that facilitated my having a more adult relationship with my parents and my siblings. They love to hear about my involvement in the Jewish community and about what I've learned. My sister, Victoria, and my friends tend to be the most inquisitive about my Jewish life and I really appreciate their interest in it. I have this one friend in particular that is so interested that before any Jewish holiday or event, she calls from Austin for a blow by blow description and explanation of it. I love that!
Converting to Judaism has brought me closer to my family and Michael's family. I still love sharing Christian holiday celebrations with my family and I always will. Some of my favorite times with my family are decorating the Christmas tree and our Christmas Eve dinner every year. I wouldn't ever want to give those times up and I look forward to my children sharing those times with my family in the future.
Michael's parents and siblings are of course thrilled with my decision but made a point to let me know that they would love me just the same and not feel any differently about me as a person and their daughter in law if I did not convert. That was very important to me because this was such an intimate and personal decision for me.
Now that I am Jewish there is a different feeling when we celebrate Jewish holidays. It may just be me, but I feel like I have a certain right to participate that I did not feel before. I have a common bond and mission with the rest of the Jewish community to make this world a better place to be. I feel like I earned my position in the Jewish community and I'm very proud to be a part of it.
When I received the letter from Rabbi Stahl asking me to speak today, I was also a little hesitant because I couldn't figure out what was so interesting about me and my life as a Jew. After I started writing I began to realize that my story was pretty interesting. It is always inspiring to hear about people that are blessed with fantastic families and meaningful life experiences. And I am definitely blessed with the most beautiful families anyone could ever wish for which have made for my great life experiences.
When I went to my counseling session at Jewish Family Service before my conversion, the counselor remarked that my situation with my families was the most ideal she had ever heard and she was right. I am continually reminded of how fortunate I am to have them.
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