Home Presentation for Yom Kippur Symposium 5760, September 20, 1999
Since I knew I was going to be on this pulpit, on this stage, for some strange reason, I thought of giving my entire speech as an impersonation of Roberto Benini at this year's Academy Awards. Mr. Benini, whose own father was a laborer in a German work camp in World War II, was the writer, director and star of this year's wonderful film, Life is Beautiful, the story of a father and his son during the Holocaust. As you may recall, Mr. Benini, upon receiving the award for Best Actor, climbed from chair to chair and screamed in Italian/English.
"I love you. I love everybody. Thank you. See my family."
And two things hit me.
First, and most importantly, I realized that I am a horrible impersonator.
Secondly, I realized that Mr. Benini's words and his movie, echoed my feelings on life which I attribute to Judaism and the importance of family.
My approach to defining the importance of Judaism on my life is very simple. To me, the teachings, the rituals and the holidays are all important, but Judaism has taught me the significance of family and the realization that everything evolves from that. By family, I mean three separate categories of family: first, my immediate family (or what we commonly consider "our relatives"); second, my extended Jewish community family - starting with this congregation; and third, the family which is our community.
My immediate family is my life - my wife Jill, my three kids, my parents, my sister, my in-laws and my extended family throughout the country and here in San Antonio (many of whom are here now and I thank them, since I know they'd prefer to be napping before the memorial and concluding services). Our Jewish roots teach us the importance of family - at all times and at all occasions. Last night at our house our family gathered and tonight at my brother-in-law and sister-in-law's house, our family will gather - four generations, some 35 strong for Yom Kippur meals - linked together by our parents or their parents.
Judaism has taught me that the best source of trust is your family. Everything should be shared and discussed openly. Jill and I have a relationship rooted by both sets of our parents still married after 40-plus years. Through our open relationship, we are able to gain insight into life and share a special love, more important than anything. Our kids are God's gifts to us. We have created a loving household which hopefully will enable them to pass on this tradition. We hope to instill in our children the values which Judaism has taught to us. I admit that some of our practices are oftentimes too reform for the taste of many of our Jewish friends. However, we constantly stress the importance of Judaism to our children, through attendance at Sunday School, sharing Jewish holidays together and talking about God and Judaism with our children. Our extended family is together at numerous functions throughout the year and at each Jewish holiday. With our three children and their four first cousins raised here at Temple Beth-El, we believe our Jewish heritage will continue. When dealing with my family, I believe Judaism has taught me to be more spiritual. When my middle child, Blake, came home from his predominately non-Jewish preschool, he realized, at 4 years old, that as a Jew he is different. We actually resolved this matter by determining that he is special to be Jewish, not different. When my 7-year old, Justin, recently lost something that was very special to him, we resolved the matter by concluding that since we can't change what is lost, we must believe that God has a reason for everything. We subsequently turned tears into laughter when we shared our opinions of what we each believed God looks like. (I might add that our opinions were very different.) Since our God is a feeling, discussions about God have many times overtaken conversations in our household.
In Mitch Albom's book, and soon to be released movie, Tuesdays with Morrie, Brandeis University professor Morrie Schwartz addresses various aspects of life during his final days of fighting ALS - Lou Gehrigs disease. With respect to family, professor Schwartz points out that his disease would be much harder with family.
"Sure, people would come visit - friends, associates, but it's not the same as having someone who will not leave. It's not the same as having someone whom you know has an eye on you - is watching you the whole time. This is part of what family is all about," he continued, "Not just love, but letting others know there's someone who is watching out for them - a spiritual serenity - nothing else will give you that - not money, not fame, not work, - just family." Judaism has taught me that for those of us fortunate enough to have relatives, we should appreciate and cherish them!
The second family of which I speak is the extended Jewish family. We've all experienced, or will experience, some form of anti-Semitism during our lifetime. Hopefully, this will be reduced in time, but some people and some attitudes cannot be changed. I mention this not because I focus on it, but rather because we, as Jews, feel, or should feel, a comfort within our community. Undoubtedly, all congregations of all religions feel this way - and should feel this way.
As I looked around the Temple last night, I felt a closeness with the congregation. It's not as though I know every congregant, far from it, - but its the closeness from the fact that we are all Jews. We are Jews, but very different - some raised Jewish, some converted, some raised reform, others orthodox or conservative. The fact is, we all share Judaism. I feel a degree of safety when surrounded by other Jews. At Temple, it's as though we're on a "base" in a big game of tag. When dealing with someone in the Jewish community on a legal matter or a business transaction, knowing that person is Jewish brings to me an implied sense of trust. Given my last name, Rosenthal, my religion is no secret. Oftentimes, in my business, this automatically establishes a bond or a trust, if the other person is also Jewish. The sense of Jewish community which I feel extends worldwide. With all the terrible shootings over the last few years, and without discounting any of the other violent acts, what Jew didn't cringe a little bit more, when, as Rabbi Stahl noted, at last month's Los Angeles Jewish Community Center shooting, a madman declared his acts of violence "a wake up call to kill the Jews." I did, for sure, as I thanked God for the lack of fatalities.
My parents and Jill have taught me, through Judaism, to appreciate my third category of family - the community in which we live, wherever it may be, which community is, in fact, one large family. Because I have the support of my immediate family and feel comfortable with my Jewish community family, I am able to accept our entire society as a whole, as an expanded family. I've been told, at times, that I'm too nice to be a lawyer, but I believe it's because my approach to people stems from my acceptance of these expanding definitions of family. Through my studies of Judaism, which I admit are minimal, I have been taught the struggles of our people. Knowing this, I have become more tolerant of others - who too may have their struggles. Being a Jew is sometimes difficult because though we are a minority religion, it's oftentimes not apparent in our day to day society - since our physical appearance does not cast us as a minority. As a minority religion, I have grown to believe that Jews especially, should have no tolerance for racism or hatred. Through my Jewish upbringing, I came to the realization that all people need to make every effort to get along - as one community.
This mentality drives me everyday. As I stood at the Spurs river parade three months ago, I watched people stand shoulder to shoulder from all parts of town - all colors, shapes and sizes - all sharing a common joy - unconditionally accepting each other, with no hidden agendas. It is my approach to life, based upon my beliefs grounded in Judaism, that made those moments with our community as one family, a little more special for me.
In conclusion, Judaism has had, and continues to have, an impact on every moment of my life. While I was raised in a traditional Jewish home, as a child I was not particularly religious or zionistic. Though I was confirmed, I was not Bar Mitzvahed. Thanks to my parents, I was able to attend high school at St. Marks, a private episcopal school in Dallas. While several of my classmates were Jewish, we nonetheless attended a brief chapel service weekly which normally concluded in the name of Jesus. At the University of Texas, I was very active in a Jewish fraternity, but equally active in organizations with few Jews. While we now have many Jewish friends, we have many who are not.
Through it all, I have not lost sight of my platform, Judaism. To those of you here today on this Yom Kippur, I issue you a challenge. I ask you to take a few moments sometime soon to write down your thoughts on the impact Judaism has had on your life. As I prepared for this talk, the task for me became a very fulfilling exercise. While I try to practice what I have spoken here today on a daily basis, sometimes I fail when I get stressed over daily issues, most of which are very insignificant in the big scheme of things. Yet, during the past few weeks as I have contemplated this talk, I have found that I have focused on these principals more consistently.
We all want many things. We all believe we need many things. Judaism has taught me that giving to the community and sharing and living with these three levels of family makes life so fulfilling that many wants and needs disappear. I don't now if this is appropriate, but. . . Our Father, our King, forgive us for failing to be as close with our families in the past as we should have been and help us to be closer and more respectful of our immediate family, our congregants and our community in this year and in the years to come and I ask that we say together "AMEN."
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