Home Presentation for Yom Kippur Symposium 5760, September 20, 1999
The last few weeks have been challenging, to say the least. I have vacillated between flattery to have been asked to participate today, to dread, to procrastination. Uultimately, I faced the challenge, and approached this as a gift, for I have spent several hours in reminiscing my early years, realizing that my forebears truly influenced my life in so many ways. I faced my feelings of Jewishness, and what I like to call the "comfort zone" of self. I have always felt that my feeling of peace and contentment holds a relationship with my happiness of being Jewish ....to bask in sweet memories and to enjoy living a Jewish life now with family and friends in this environment.
My grandchildren often say, "Grammie, tell me one of those funny true stories. My FIRST Temple Beth-el, and my childhood in B'ville, Texas will be the main focus of my "story" today. Living at what my mother often called the end of the world was WONDERFUL...B'ville had a population of about 35,000 in the 1930's....80% Mexican, approx half of 1% Jewish! (There were Jews in Matamoros, Mexico and B'ville as early as the 1860's...their ancient grave markers are in the lovely little Jewish cemetery in B'ville.) The Jewish merchants controlled the business life of the town. Indeed, on the high holidays, practically the whole business district was closed. The publisher of the B'ville Herald was Jewish, the city manager at one time was Jewish, and there have been Jewish mayors.
We lived in a multi-cultural society even before that word was popular...and took for granted the blessings of a diverse mix of cultures, religions, ethnicity...I felt enriched by my Mexican friends (I couldn't speak English until I was 4!)... I learned the Mexican folkways...the trip to Mr. Barrera's bakery was always a treat, for on Friday we picked up our pan dulce and the challahs that he learned to make for us. So accepted were we, that I never experienced anti-Semitism in any way. Thru my adolescent and teenage years, all my friends were non-Jewish....so accepting were we of each other and our traditions that they often were in my home for Shabbos (Ican't remember NOT having a special Shabbos meal as only Stella Perl could produce, even if it meant getting to the football game late at times) Often, I attended church with my friends. I became a member of the Episcopal Youth group during high school, and I absolutely loved midnight mass.
As children, we grew up in this unique environment, wrapped warmly and comfortably in our Jewishness. Let me give you some examples:
My father organized the tiny Temple Beth-El in 1927 with a handful of Jewish families and was known as the lay Rabbi until my parents left B'ville in l977. There were about 12-25 children at any one time in our Sunday School whose principal and at times the ONLY teacher was my Aunt Corinne Perl. She was also the music teacher and did a fine job of teaching us all the responses from the Union Hymnal. We had no classrooms, but we knew we had advanced a grade in Sunday School when we moved up 2 or 3 pews toward the little bimah. Only occasionally would there be a Bar Mitzvah...and I was never confirmed....I would have been the sole member of the Confirmation Class.
Given this environment, granted, I did not have a complete Jewish education, and although I can recite the Shema, the Kaddish, and many blessings and responses by heart, I can not read or write Hebrew. But am I comfortable in my Jewishness? Absolutely. I feel deeply it is a truism that Jews in these small communities, isolated from large Jewish centers can do 2 things....either give up and take the "easy way", becoming totally integrated into the non-Jewish world, or they can work hard to maintain their sense of Jewish community...even traveling many miles weekly to attend a small synagogue or Sunday school...as many Southerners have done for several generations.
In my own case, I have rich memories of my Jewish childhood. My grandfather, Wolf Perl, of Houston, was a learned, orthodox Jew...I learned the nuances of kashrut from him in many charming ways...visiting him in Houston and watching his meticulous ways in his kitchen...and loving his summertime visits to B'ville. This was his routine: he would leave Houston Sat. evening, taking an overnight Pullman on the Missouri Pacific, arriving Sunday am with 2 small valises( as he would call them)...one with his clothing...the other with his own utensils and his cooked Kosher chicken for his stay. Mother and I would go to the local hardware store to buy a glass dinner plate, cup, saucer, and bowl for Grandpa. This was an annual affair! He would eat his chicken, hard-boiled eggs, canned beets..baked potato..all week until he left on Thursday to be home for Shabbos. We were fascinated with him...he was like a little pixie!
For Chanukah Grandpa Perl made sure his grandchildren each had a little brassy tin menorah and his own box of those funny little orange candles...remember them? And we treasured our own lulav and esrog that he sent for Sukkot...Speaking of Sukkot, the first time I ever saw a Sukkah was on a memorable trip to the upper Valley to Mercedes....The fragrance of the fresh citrus fruit decorating the Sukkah was delicious!
And to this day, each time I hear the v'ahavta recited, I have a vivid mental image of the mezuzzot on every doorpost of Grandpa Perl's house, and yes, on the gate of his picket fence, and yes, seeing the tefillin as frontlets before his eyes as he davened . So you see, I may not have had an academic Jewish education, but I certainly had a warm and loving introduction to Judaism.
Now this is one of Grammie's funny, true stories: in 1945 my father was state chairman of B'nai B'rith, Stanley's father was president of San Antonio B'nai B'rith Lodge 211. They were having dinner at the Goodman home, before the convention, when Mrs. Perl and Mrs. Goodman happened to exchange pictures of their 16-year-olds: Frances and Stanley.....After that, Stanley and I became pen-pals (THAT'S an old-fashioned word...no e-mail) and the rest is HISTORY!
So involved in B'nai Brith were our fathers, that both of their names can be found on the placque commemorating building committee of the UT Hillel.
I attended UT/Austin for 2 years, joined a Jewish sorority, was "pinned ", engaged, and moved back to B'ville to plan our wedding.
So how does one have a large Jewish wedding in a tiny Temple at the end of the world in January? And all the family crowding the one hotel in town? Why, you invite your groom's Rabbi and Cantor from San Antonio to officiate and come to the TROPICS for a long weekend! However, Jan. 30, 1949, our wedding day, turned out to be the coldest day EVER recorded in San Antonio and the Valley.... Rabbi Guthman was iced in to SA and unable to make the trip. We were iced in to B'Ville. What to do?
At 2 pm on our wedding day it was decided that my FATHER would conduct the 7 pm ceremony. My uncle, Leon, was put in charge of finding the traveling rabbi who happened to be in B'ville "soliciting funds" for his Yeshiva in New York. (We needed an ordained rabbi to comply with Texas law.)Uncle Leon took this rabbi to Perl Bros. men's store to outfit him in a tuxedo (that incidentally was on layaway for a customer!) , and instructed the rabbi to be clean and dressed...and to write the ketubah.. the marriage contract..which he produced in long hand on a piece of hotel stationery! The florist called that flowers were in short supply..no deliveries due to the ice storm. The bridesmaids' bouquets looked like weeds....My mother and I went into shock...our wedding party who had been keeping warm with "spirits" somehow made it to the Temple despite the ice...Daddy and the Yeshiva rabbi performed the ceremony...and we were married!
Our honeymoon plans were changed, because TX highways were still iced over....but somehow the RABBI was able to leave EARLY the next day....with the pittance he managed to glean for his Yeshiva...AND the tuxedo, shoes, and all! Rabbi Stahl persuaded me to tell this story, and if I told you ALL the funny things that happened that snowy weekend we would never get to the afternoon or Memorial services today.
As an addendum to this wedding story, many have asked if Sam Perl was qualified to perform a marriage ceremony....yes, and no...but that is ANOTHER story, for another time!
Although I lived in Brownsville only 16 years, you can see that those few years had a lasting impact on my life... I still call B'ville "home" despite the fact that I have lived in San Antonio more than 50 years. I love San Antonio, as I loved B'ville...this is a nurturing community,that has enriched my life so very much. I have been privileged to serve on several community boards, enjoying every minute of it. The Spring that Bill graduated from high school, Lenny was confirmed, and Herb became a Bar Mitzvah. AND I was installed as Pres. of the San Antonio section, NCJW....all in a period of 2 weeks....THAT was memorable.
Stanley and I have raised our 4 children here. Each of them has continued the legacy of their grandparents: Sam Perl and Harry Goodman were devoted throughout their lifetimes to the Jewish community, serving in leadership roles, but more especially, giving of themselves totally to the causes they believed in, whether it was Bnai Brith, Israel Bonds, United Jewish Appeal...their synagogues.
There is a Talmudic adage that states: "The deeds of the ancestors are a sign for their children." Thus, this heritage of commitment and involvement in Jewish life has passed through the generations in a most remarkable way. We are immensely proud of our children. All four of our children and our two daughters -in-law have been active leaders in the Jewish community.They have held offices in Jewish organizations, served on the Boards of Jewish Day Schools and their synagogues, taught religious school, and some have even chosen careers in the Jewish communal field.
The legacy continues with our grandchildren who have attended Solomon Schechter Day Schools in Memphis and in Dallas and spent their summers in Jewish camps. I must tell you that this afternoon, at Temple Israel in Memphis, our daugther-in-law, Peggy, is also speaking during THEIR Yom Kippur symposium. Again, I could spend another hour enumerating all the wonderful tales of our children's involvement in Jewish life from the time they were teenagers until today...but THAT's ANOTHER STORY!
We have taught our children and grandchildren to be as comfortable with their mantle of Judaism as we are....to be immersed and wrapped in the warmth of Jewish life. This morning's liturgy contained this beautiful passage that summarizes what I have to say today: "In the love of fathers and mothers who have nurtured our lives, with whose blessing we have gone forth to our own work in the world.... We rejoice in the love of parents. In the children who bless our homes, whose eager minds and hearts are the promise of tomorrow... We rejoice in our children."And so they treasure, as we do, the legacy of grandparents and great-grandparents who lived their lives so lovinglyy dedicated to Jewish values.
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