Home Presentation for Yom Kippur Symposium 5760, September 20, 1999
When Rabbi Stahl asked me to speak today on the Impact of Judaism on my life, I naturally agreed to do so .... not because I feel I have any stirring words to share, but because I simply haven't learned how to say "no" to Sam. Only later did I question, "Why me?" "What could I possibly have to say that would be either inspiring or of interest?"
That thought process led me to consider this day ... Yom Kippur! Later today, for those of us seeking repentance and determining to be the person God desires for us to be, the gates to our sinful past will close and new gates to a better self will open. The better self we seek to be will be faced with demands on our time, our talents and our resources. Each of us will be faced daily with opportunities to help those in emotional, physical or monetary need. But it is this belief -- the belief that the "better self" in each of us has a duty to make some positive difference in this world -- the belief that each of us has a duty to make some positive contribution to the life of our community and our fellow man -- it is this belief ...... that honoring and serving God means honoring and serving others that has resulted in many, like myself, who have chosen to be a Jew.
Those who share the Bimah with me this afternoon and all of you who were raised in Jewish homes are truly envied by me and others like myself, who came to our Judaism only after years of exploring, studying, experiencing, and never feeling at peace with other religions. For me, becoming a Jew, was very much like the proverbial "lightbulb". If you have ever experienced those unique moments in time when suddenly, everything makes sense and the greatest satisfaction and joy comes from that realization, then you can identify with that feeling. Maybe a brief look at the paths that led me to becoming a Jew will help you to see how dear and special it is to have arrived here.
I did not consciously spend a lifetime searching for the very meaning and essence of life. Rather, I lived my life practicing the values modeled for me. I grew up in Shreveport, Louisiana and our neighborhood was called simply, the West End. We were very poor and to ensure that there was always something to eat, my mother raised chickens in our backyard, both for the eggs and for the sacrificial chicken dinner once a week. The railroad tracks ran just behind our house and many times each week, the hoboes who rode the trains would come to our back door, knock and ask my mother for some money with which to buy something to eat. My mother would always tell them she had no money, but to sit down on the back porch steps and she would fix them something to eat.
Now, my mother could wring the neck of a chicken, pluck it clean and fry it up faster than I could finish a game of hopscotch and in lightning speed, the hobo would be eating a plate of delicious fried chicken. As much as I hated those chickens that chased me around the yard, I knew I was going to want one of them on my plate when Sunday came, and I remember asking my mother one time why she was giving away our food .... Why didn't she just tell them to go get a job and earn some money for food? As vividly as if it were yesterday, I remember my mother telling me that we serve God by serving our fellow man ... That it was not our prerogative to question the circumstances of another's life; that we could not know what was happening in the life of another; that it was simply our duty to be kind to and to help our fellow man. My mother, though not an active church goer,, taught me the most important religious truth that I would learn. I think my mother was a Jew and did not know it!
Neighbors took me to a Baptist church with them when I was small and I was taught the religious teachings of the Baptist church. And, through the years I practiced those aspects of an organized religion that seemed right to me and chose not to think about those aspects with which my heart and mind could find no peace. But, to practice in part leaves the soul with a sense of uneasiness ..... a constant state of questioning and never finding the answers that put everything at rest
Through the years of practiced religion, there were also events that seared my very consciousness and which I could not justify in my own heart and mind. I share some of these events with you not to ridicule, shame or criticize others, but simply to illuminate the contradictions stirred in me.
Every religious faith teaches the duty of being kind to our fellow man .... treating them as we want to be treated ...... love thy neighbor as thyself." But I can remember a woman who was asked not to return to the church because she had become engaged to an African American; I can remember a very poor little boy who lived alone with his alcoholic father who did not attend church; on Sundays Freddy would come to Sunday School unkempt, dirty and sometimes smelly. I remember Freddy being told he could not come back until he was clean and dressed properly for worship. I can remember one Sunday when the pastor asked everyone to remain in their seats after the worship service and during the meeting that followed, members of the congregation reviled an absent member publicly and by name accusing him of having an extramarital affair ... and I remember the congregation voting to remove the man from the church rolls. These experiences, spaced throughout several years, always left me with a feeling of discomfort and disturbed me greatly. I wondered how God could be pleased when people were hurting and others turned a deaf ear and hardened their hearts. Certainly, there are some wonderful Christians in the world and all around us. We associate with many every day.
However, the unfortunate experiences I witnessed seemed contradictory for those who love and serve God and disturbed me greatly; and so, I quit practicing organized religion and decided that what I believed, what my dear mother had taught me with those chickens, was more fundamental to me than being a member of an organized group..... that we all have a duty to God to make the world a little better place than we found it through kind service to those in need and that in so doing, we are "saved". Abraham Joshua Heschel wrote, "Man's good deeds are single acts in the long drama of redemption."
And so, when Harris, a lifelong Jew, and I decided to marry, I explored and studied the Jewish faith and religion, and that is when the "lightbulb" came on. Here, at last, my beliefs and the beliefs of an organized faith, merged. At last, peace of mind and heart came. There are, I believe, different paths to God, and at last, I have found the one that is right for me.
The greatest impact of Judaism on my life has been that I now feel an even greater obligation to model a life of service in order to exemplify the ideals I believe in -- Why? Because, as a Jew, I believe the world will be at peace only as we learn to respect the rights and beliefs of others. And most people will judge us on our actions, not our faith.
Samuel Luzzatto wrote, "Judaism looks upon all human beings as children of one Father; thinks of them all as created in the image of God, and insists that a man be judged not by his religion, but by his deeds." I believe that is the essence of my responsibility -- to model a life of caring and compassion, social service and action .... and in so doing, that I will bring an even greater tolerance and respect for the faith that has given me peace of mind and heart. Perhaps this is how prejudice and antisemitism will be overcome -- when, through our positive actions, one person at a time comes to value us as both a person and a Jew.
There is a beautiful song with a haunting melody from the soundtrack of the movie, “Notting Hill.” Though it probably was intended as a love song, each time I hear it, it reminds of my Jewish faith, the paths of my life that have lead to it and the impact it has had on my heart and my life. The words to it go like this:
No matter what they tell us,
No matter what they do,
No matter what they teach us,
What we believe is true!
No matter what they call us ...
However they got "Jack" ...
No matter where they take us,
We'll find our own way back
I can't deny what I believe,
I can't be what I'm not.
I know I'm loved forever ...
I know, no matter what!
If only tears were laughter,
If only night was day,
But when our prayers are answered
Then we will hear God say:
No matter what they tell you
No matter what they do....
No matter what they teach you....
What you believe is true.
And I will keep you safe and strong
And sheltered from the storm;
No matter where its peril....
Your dream is big and born.
And I believe the last verse echoes the very peace of mind and heart I have found in Judaism:
No matter if the sun don't shine,
Or if the skies are blue ........
No matter what the end is ........
My life began with you.
And to each of you I want to say " thank you ........ for allowing me to serve Temple Beth-El alongside you and for allowing me to come home to the God of my faith and my belief here in your midst.
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