May I have a word with you? The Torah portion for this week, D'varim, means “Words”, and is the first portion of the book of Deuteronomy. The opening words begin simply enough: “These are the words that Moses spoke to all Israel.”
This is the first of Moses' final speeches to the people, the culmination of his long life of service to them, and along with an historical summary, it is a reminder to the people that they fell far short of the sacred standards. While the Jews that he guided for forty years are poised to enter Canaan, Moses knows that he will not be allowed to accompany them. He knows he is going to die without ever reaching the Promised Land, and is taking the opportunity to share with them words of wisdom and exhortation.
What caught my interest was not so much the actual words spoken, but this thought- if we could give one last message to our descendants, what would we tell them? Would we, like Moses, offer a summary of our family history, complete with its shortcomings and failures, combined with words of affirmation and love, tempered with criticism, and faith for improvement?
In discussing this premise with Rabbi Bergman Vann, she reminded me of the Jewish practice of writing an Ethical Will. This is the week of both of my parents' Yarzheit. Not a day goes by that I do not think of them, and, as close as I was to them, there are so many things I wish I had asked them about. An Ethical Will, through words, allows us to leave behind a record of our personal values and beliefs, not just our material possessions. With an ethical will, for example, from my parents, I would have been able to know the answers to my many questions, such as: What is or was important to you in your life? What do you know of your family history that you think I should know? What are your regrets? Your accomplishments?
Ideally, of course, we would talk about these things with our family and loved ones on a regular basis. But as life is rarely ideal, perhaps we would find it rewarding to take the time to focus on not only what has been said, but also what has been unsaid and overlooked by each of us as we go about our daily routines.
As a child, growing up in a close-knit family, I got a distinct sense of who we were as a family, and what was important to all of us. Now, that my children live far away, and my extended family is scattered. When we are all together, however, the family tales (much embellished, I am sure) are lovingly shared.
Does writing an Ethical Will, at first blush, seem to you--as it did to me-- that it would be too daunting a task to sum up one's life and aspirations? After all, there are not too many of us with the skills of Moses or Emma Lazarus. . . .
It does seem overwhelming, but borrowing generously from the guide in the book “Ethical Wills and How to Prepare Them” I offer some of their suggestions as to get started, which is always the hardest part. With this guide, this loving task becomes much more approachable.
Topics:
Personal:
Family
Religious observances
In his review of this book, Harold Kushner, author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People stated: “this book moves us to confront questions of what we stand for and what we will bequeath to our children.” With the Ethical Will, we can use words much as Moses did in the book of Deuteronomy, leaving a lasting legacy for our family.
We are bombarded with words, and so many of them wasted- commercials, Spam, junk mail, phone solicitations- it reminds of Eliza Doolittle in the movie My Fair Lady, who sang: Words, words, words- I'm so sick of words…” Let us strive to follow Moses example and “speak” those words which contain the things that really matter.
In closing, when I was given the opportunity to give this presentation, I was asked to say a word about the Melton Studies Program. It has been 51 years since I became a Bat Mitzvah, and I must confess that I have not been an ardent Jewish scholar or thinker. Melton was a wonderful opportunity for me to become engaged in a course of study with more observant Jews, along with others who shared my more, shall we say, casual approach to ritual. I was fascinated by being able to find out firsthand in a non-confrontational setting just what being Jewish means to a wide variety of believers and non-believers, and why certain practices that I have long excluded from my life bring peace and satisfaction to other Jews. It connected me to Judaism, and the Jewish community, in a new way.
The class encompassed a wide range of topics, from gender issues to theology, from varied ways to celebrate the holidays to approaches to sacred text, from discussions about the afterlife to contemporary, topical issues such as animal experimentation.
In short, I found the topics stimulating, the discussions lively, and the teachers knowledgeable and enthusiastic. What at first seemed to be a huge commitment, instead turned out to be a most worthwhile endeavor. I commend the course to each and every one of you. It truly contained words worth hearing.
Shabbat Shalom.
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