Tonight I want to discuss the subject of lying. We all know there are various kinds of lying and perhaps we may even be guilty of some of them ourselves. Here is a partial listing. We may underreport our income or falsify eligible deductions on our annual IRS forms. We may misrepresent our age or the age of our children to qualify for attractive discounts on airplanes or at theaters and restaurants. We may argue with the traffic cop, who pulls us over, that we were not speeding, even when our speedometer clearly showed that we were driving 20 mph over the limit.

We can multiply examples of these blatant lies without end. We shade the truth in these instances either to gain a financial advantage or to keep out of trouble or both. In other words, we want to save our money or we want to avoid punishment and so we alter the truth.

Even if we ourselves have lied in these ways and rationalized them to ourselves and to others, deep down we know that these deceptions are grossly wrong. It is not possible to find any moral justification for them. But is lying always wrong? In some situations, it may not be. What about lying to save the life or lives of other people? Many Righteous Gentiles who hid Jews in Hitler's Europe during the Holocaust lied to Nazi soldiers when asked if any Jews were living in their homes. The late Pope John XXIII, when he was papal nuncio, is reputed to have issued fraudulent baptismal certificates to Jews in order rescue them from possible extermination. Jewish tradition would enthusiastically condone these heroic acts, even though they involved deceit. In Judaism, to save a life, one may lie and violate almost all of the commandments of the Torah.

But in addition to saving a life, there is another situation when Judaism allows us to lie- to avoid hurting the feelings or upsetting another person or causing a breach in a relationship. My mother always used to say that the truth hurts. Indeed, the truth can be painful. The reality is that we don't like the unembellished and unvarnished truth. President Harry Truman said it best: "I never give them Hell. I tell them the truth and they think it's Hell."

Because we find the truth unpleasant and agonizing, we often resort to telling a white lie. A white lie is an untruth or partial truth which has no evil intent. For generations, Jewish parents would tell white lies to their children about sex, illness, and death to protect them against some of the harsh realities of life.

We also tell white lies to promote harmony and good will among people. In two weeks, our Torah portion will record a white lie that God Himself told. Throughout her married life, Sarah had a difficult time conceiving. When she was 90 and Abraham, her husband, was 100, God sent messengers to inform her that she was about to become pregnant and to give birth to a son. Sarah was stunned by this news and began to laugh. Here is what she said: "Now that I am withered, can I have pleasure, since my husband is also old?"

When God reported Sarah's reaction to Abraham, God changed Sarah's words. Listen to how God quoted Sarah: "Shall I indeed bear a child, seeing that I am old?" In actuality, Sarah had said that Abraham, and not she, was old. God deliberately misquoted Sarah and omitted Sarah's mentioning Abraham's advanced age to preserve their domestic tranquility and happiness. Even though the ancient Rabbis stated that the seal of God is truth, they looked favorably on God's lying to Abraham to promote peace within the family.

In addition, in the case of a seriously ill patient, our Rabbis not only permit the white lie. They actually mandate it. Tradition orders us not to tell a person who is gravely ill about his or her condition. We should minimize the actual danger. We should instead stress the positive aspects of his or her health. We should encourage the patient to be optimistic and to fight for recovery.

In addition, when delivering a eulogy at a funeral, a Rabbi should not necessarily present an accurate biography of the deceased. Rather the Rabbi can exaggerate and magnify the virtues of the deceased in order to bring comfort and solace to the mourners. However, in doing so, the Rabbi need not mention qualities that the deceased did not possess.

One group among the ancient Rabbis strenuously opposed the telling of white lies. This was the School of Shammai. This school was constantly in conflict with its rival, the School of Hillel, about the white lie and hosts of other legal issues. These two schools debated about the proper words to sing at a wedding while dancing around a bride. Even if the bride is homely and unattractive, the School of Hillel insisted that we should say that she is "beautiful and gracious."

Hillel's School argued that once the wedding ceremony is completed and the love of the groom for the bride is at stake, people should offer every encouragement The School of Shammai sharply disagreed. It argued that one must describe the bride as she is. To do otherwise would mean violating the Torah, which demands that we tell the truth.

In this exchange, reported in the Talmud, the School of Hillel's more permissive position on the issue of the white lie at a wedding prevailed. However, I am personally more inclined to Shammai's. I am opposed to the white lie. I will admit that the white lie does have advantages. It doesspares feelings. It does promote harmony. It does protect secrets. But only in the short run. In the long run, telling white lies erodes trust. It damages credibility. It increases suspicion. Most physicians now insist on divulging to the terminal patient his or her actual grim prognosis rather than camouflaging or disguising the distressing facts, as was the case years ago. In this way, those who are near death can realistically decide how best to spend their few remaining days on earth.

In giving eulogies, I try to give as precise a picture of the deceased as possible, without being unkind. To do otherwise would call into question my trustworthiness and reliability.

In addition, in the case of children, the white lie does not prepare them for the real world. They may grow up with fantasies that will prove harmful. I know of parents who told their children that they never disagreed about anything. They managed to argue, even heatedly, behind closed doors but never in front of their children. When the children grew up and got married, they were thoroughly unprepared for any unpleasantness in their own marriage relationships. They were ready to walk out, after their first argument with their spouses.

I trust that parents no longer tell their children that a stork brought them into the world, as was the case when some of us were young. Fortunately, most parents today are candid and frank in describing the reproductive process to their children.

These parents are also more candid about death. They don't tell their sons and daughters that their beloved grandfather, who recently died, just went away for a while. They realize that once the child discovers that Grandpa will never return, the child will become emotionally shaken and forever untrusting.

White lies are ultimately destructive. One can tell the truth without being brutal, callous or insensitive. We should strive to tell the truth, as it is, directly, but kindly. We can dress up the truth but we should not misrepresent the truth. To engender trust in others and to aspire to a more Godly life, we need to maintain our credibility.

Remember that the seal of God is truth. Amen.

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