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Home Presentation for Yom Kippur Symposium 5766, October 13, 2005
When I was about four years old, I had visited my friend's Presbyterian Sunday School class and came home singing “Jesus Loves Me,” That was enough to get my parents' attention about my Jewish future. We lived in Ishpeming, a little town of some 9,000 people in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. There were few Jews in that little mining town, which was 400 miles north of Chicago and 500 miles north of Detroit. The thirty Jewish families from a fifty mile radius had no congregation. On the High Holydays our family would either travel to be with my grandparents at their Orthodox shul 90 miles away, or go to the local American Legion Hall, where an Orthodox yeshiva student from Chicago would conduct the services.
My folks had seen a little ad in the Detroit Jewish News, which was ideally pitched to those of us in the hinterlands of Michigan. A rabbi from a large Conservative Congregation in Detroit had created a “correspondence” Jewish religious school course, for those of us in the boondocks, so my parents immediately enrolled me. Each night before my bedtime prayers (which ended with the Sh'ma), Mother or Daddy would read me one of the Bible stories, ask me questions, and ultimately return the answers to the synagogue in Detroit.
This went on for at least a year, and ultimately, my folks opened our 'religious school' at our home to my first cousin, one other little boy and my younger sister, Nancy. So each Sunday morning, Dad would teach us a lesson (usually a Bible Story from Genesis or Exodus) and Mother would sit at the piano and teach us the Jewish “hymns” that she had learned at Sinai Temple in Chicago, as a youngster.
Not too long afterwards, my cousin raised his hand and asked at Yom Kippur services in the rented hall, “Why we couldn't have our own Temple building”. That question was all that my dad and uncle needed to activate their small town religious sense, and within one year, we had our own Temple Beth Sholom, which served these thirty families. After some debate, Temple Beth Sholom joined the Reform movement and student rabbis from the Reform Hebrew Union College in Cincinnati schlepped all the way up north for the High Holy Days plus once a month, during the academic year.
My parents became the unofficial leaders of the congregation, doing everything from leading the services when the student-rabbi wasn't there to teaching religious school, writing the bulletin, escorting the student-rabbi, singing in the choir and cleaning the bathrooms and kitchen!
At home I vividly remember my dad putting money in our “blue box” (the Tzedakah box) every time we returned safely from a trip, heard good news re: a dear one's medical condition, or for any other blessing that impacted us! That Blue Box served as my first experience with tangible tzedakah!
That obviously impacted my DNA so when I was a junior in college, I was the Jewish Federation representative of my sorority, and asked each one in the house for a gift for Federation. It has continued to today, when we not only have Tzedakah boxes around our house, but I feel a compulsion to continue working for the survival of Israel and beleaguered Jews and other people around the globe.
Living in a small town with few Jewish resources, my parents continued to strive to give me as Jewish an upbringing as possible. I was sent to a non-sectarian camp in Wisconsin where 98% of the girls were Jewish. Somehow, I found myself as I got older, so involved with Sunday afternoon vespers, that I ultimately was in charge of these services, which were not specifically religious, but had a definite spiritual orientation.
In high school, I was the only one who was Jewish and so I had lots of wonderful inter-religious conversations. One of my good friends became a Roman Catholic priest, my first boy-friend is today a Methodist minister, and another guy that I was crazy about in college became a Presbyterian minister. Would you say that I had a propensity for the clergy? I dated only non-Jews, but had it instilled in me that I HAD to marry someone Jewish! (did I show them?!!!)
One summer I didn't go to my usual recreational camp. Instead I went to the Oconomowoc, Wisconsin, counterpart of our Greene Family Camp. While there, I had an existential crisis. A girl in my cabin “stole” one of my unique madras Bermuda shorts, cut out my name-tag, but left the boutique store label in it. She was there on a Temple NFTY scholarship, and when I confronted her, she denied the entire theft. I vividly remember being so troubled that I questioned one of the rabbis, about how a serious Jew could so blatantly defy one of the Ten Commandments, and yet be at a NFTY camp on a scholarship. (would you say I was a little naďve?) Since I was struggling with any belief in a Higher Power, he suggested that I read a portion in the Union Prayer Book every morning. I remember his saying that questioning as well as study is an integral part of Judaism, and answers do not come easily.
Sam and I met 40 years ago, on his last visit as our Ishpeming student-rabbi. My parents had raved about him for a year, but since I had been fixed up with the previous student-rabbi and he had been a disaster, I slammed the door on meeting any more of THOSE students. So when I finally met Sam, I never viewed him in a 'romantic light'.
The first night, we met in my Ishpeming living room, I remember telling him that I was a borderline atheist, even though I had a deep interest in the other (non-divine) aspects of Judaism. He assured me that there was no conflict between being Jewish and having doubts about God. I loved it when he told me that a Jewish atheist was one who ACTED in a non-God-like way, rather than someone who didn't BELIEVE in God!
The chemistry we felt began to gallop and we had very long, deep religious conversations and debates. After spending eight days together over a six month period, we were engaged and in August, 1966, we were the first couple to be married in our little Ishpeming temple.
But just because I was a rabbi's spouse, didn't ease or erase my skepticism about there being a Higher Power. In my late 30's -out of desperation - I decided to go to Overeaters Anonymous. At that time, I was constantly battling eating issues (having dealt with intermittent binge eating since I was a teen, anorexia in college, and bulimia as a young mother). I truly was plagued by food and my body image, which seemed to literally consume me at times.
The impact of Overeaters Anonymous on my eating issues was minimal in the long-run, but the Twelve-Step philosophy was life-changing for me, in terms of my personal spiritual life. I somehow went from being judgmental of those with a personal God relationship, to, fairly rapidly, turning to a Higher Power myself. I found a comfort level with God that I had never before known.
I must say that a great deal of my ease with God, has been a result of my doing “spiritually oriented” workshops, with people of other faiths and persuasions. These experiences only served to enhance my ease with the unexplained, mystical aspects of life. The more that I have explored the spiritual side of these alternative arenas, the more I've discovered a deeper connection with my Judaism.
The trust in God that I've thankfully found, has sustained me through some rocky areas in my life. Now I frequently write in the morning for twenty minutes in my journal. I begin writing with, "Dear God, I am so grateful to You for..." and then write whatever happens to be front and center for me. When I'm finished with the twenty minutes of writing, I tear it up, so Sam and the kids won't read what I've “poured out” on paper.
And now - in my daily living, I find myself communicating with God more and more. Often I silently ask for God's support when I'm in a frightening situation or don't feel as if I have the clarity I need. I am quick to thank God, if I narrowly escape hitting a car on 410 when I'm thinking of “other stuff”. When I hold our grandchildren, Carli or Austin, against my heart and well up with tears, I instantly KNOW God at that very moment! In short, I have developed a very comfortable relationship with God.
The fact that Sam is in such a spiritually-oriented profession has provided opportunities for me that otherwise I never could have experienced. I couldn't be more grateful for the connections I've enjoyed because of his professional life! We've shared intimate moments with people that no other spouse of any other profession could share. Therefore, I've been with many of you during the peaks of your lives, as well as your very lowest moments - both publicly and privately For this alone, I have to offer my untold thanks.
When Sam was interviewed for this Beth El pulpit in January of 1976, I was asked only one question: “What do you like, Lynn?” I responded, “I first of all like being married to Sam and being the mother of Heather and Alisa and secondly, I most cherish connecting with people”. So now almost 30 years later, I can say with assurance that I MOST treasure the time I have with our little Austin and Carli, as well as Sam and our kids, but that I also am so grateful to see my life through Jewish eyes, with a strong faith in God and a profound love for you and all of God's people.
I once heard that our purpose on this planet is to “grow our souls”. This prayer in Gates of Repentance beautifully expresses my aspiration to grow my soul:
“May I be among those who cherish truth above ease, and whose prayers are shafts of light in the darkness, that otherwise would envelope us.
I pray that I may be the same within and without, aspire to be loving, compassionate, humane and hopeful. My hope continues to be that I can eventually achieve the goodness that my lips utter here in our Sanctuary, while serving what God has implanted within me!”
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