Back to Sermon Page
Home Presentation for Yom Kippur Symposium 5770, September 28, 2009
When I first received the letter in the mail from Rabbi Block asking me to speak today, my first reaction was “you've got to be kidding!” I was in no way inclined to get up here and speak about the impact of Judaism on my life. But, instead of declining right away, I put off sending in my regrets. I got busy, forgot about it, thought about it some more and then was confronted by Iris, Rabbi Block's administrative assistant. In my procrastination in responding to the invitation, I had missed the deadline to decline. In a moment of weakness I agreed to speak. I must admit though, that I agreed for purely selfish reasons. In thinking about the request and the topic, I thought there would probably be no other occasion that I would be forced really considered the question and I thought this would be a good opportunity for me to really take an introspective look and answer the question. So, I hope the next few minutes will be of interest to you. If not, I apologize in advance for my selfishness.
I have heard many rumors throughout the congregation from time to time as to where I come from. One rumor I heard pegged me for a convert from Corpus Christi. Another from Houston and yet another from somewhere in Colorado. I am in fact a native of San Antonio born and raised. My Mother's maiden name is Barkin. She was also born and raised here in San Antonio and was confirmed here in town at Agudas Achim. As you might have guessed, the name Swanson is not of Jewish origin. My father was from Michigan and I believe raised in the Lutheran faith. He was not a very good husband or father and my parents divorced after several unhappy years. My brother and I were raised in a single parent home by my Mother. My Mom's brother Burton Barkin also played a huge role in my upbringing.
Even though my Mother had been raised and confirmed in the Jewish faith and my Uncle had become Bar Mitzvah at Agudas Achim, I was raised in a secular household. There was an occasional invite to a relatives Seder and I remember attending services a year after my Great Aunts passing, other than that, I had no formal religious education Jewish or otherwise. In fact, I don't think it ever really dawned on me that my mother and uncle were Jewish until I was about 11 or 12. I remember all of my friends being of some faith, attending church on Sunday's, etc. I was a member of nothing. It did bother me a little, but certainly not enough to warrant extensive therapy later on in life.
When I was 16, I did have a peaked interest in finding out more about my Jewish side. I actually made an appointment here with Rabbi Stahl at my mother's suggestion. We talked for a bit. I asked him if I was a Jew. He said that according to Jewish law since my mother was Jewish that made me a Jew. I went on my way. He sent me some literature in the mail. I scanned the material briefly and in a weeks time was on to something else more interesting to the teenage mind.
Time passed and my opinion of all formalized religion took shape. With the proper collegiate influences and several philosophy classes, I came to believe religion was a crutch for the masses and if it made people feel more at ease with their existence here on earth then that was OK by me. But for me, I was in no need of formalized religion. I was an affirmed agnostic.
I fell in love, got married and started having children. My wife, Shirley, had grown up attending sporadically the Methodist church. But, her upbringing was similar to mine with a more secular flavor. She was however more religiously inclined than me. She had searched many different faiths over the years and had never been that comfortable with any she tried out. As the kids started to grow, the subject of religion and “what to do about the kids” kept coming up. I thought I would be indifferent, not caring one way or the other, but I found myself more and more thinking about my Jewish heritage and how if I didn't “reconnect” with my children it would be lost from my family for good. Fact of the matter was, it barely existed within me. Shirley out of the blue came to me one day and suggested we raise the kids as Jews. I was amazed at her unbelievable kindness and generous gesture, but I told her no. It would be too difficult. Neither one of us had a clue about how to go about such a transition. She persisted and I agreed to go down and talk to the local Rabbi in McAllen, TX where we were living at the time. By the way, there is not exactly a large Jewish population in McAllen TX.
I went down and talked to the Rabbi. He was very nice and suggested a “full emersion” approach. It was around the holiday or Purim and they were having a carnival with costumes. He suggested we dress up the kids and “come on down”. We did and it was awful! We knew no one, had no idea what to dress up as. The ”full emersion” approach was definitely not going to work. In fact, I thought the experience would surely sour Shirley on the whole idea and in fact it did for a while. But she is a trooper and after some time had passed, she suggested we try again. They were holding some introductory Judaism classes and I signed her and me up. We went; learned about the religion, studied a little Hebrew and we both liked what we experienced. For me it was a perfect fit. Not just because it was the religion of my Mother, but because it was OK to struggle with God in this religion. It was OK to question.
After the classes were done, Shirley told me she wanted to convert and raise the kids as Jews. She told her family and they were very supportive. Up until this time believe it or not, I had not told my family. I decided to give my Mother a call and give her the news. She was on the next plane out of San Antonio and down to McAllen in a flash. Now you might be thinking that she was there out of sheer joy, pride and excitement that we had chosen of our own will to follow her faith. Quite the contrary. She was there to lay out all the reasons why this was potentially a bad idea and to make sure we had thought everything through. She also wanted to know whether we were contemplating moving to Israel and living in a Kibbutz. This she would not allow, taking her grandchildren away. I assured her that we had not yet drank so much “kool aid” and we would not be leaving the country. She was still skeptical but a little calmer.
Ten years ago we moved back here to San Antonio. Shirley and I had finished the required conversion courses but had not yet made things official. We came here to Temple, went through the conversion ceremony with Rabbi Block and Rabbi Bergman Vann and have since seen all of our three children become Bar and Bat Mitzvah. My mother seeing that we were “not off the deep end” joined the Temple as well after years of estrangement. It has brought by immediate family and extended family together in ways I never would have imagined. It has not been easy and is still not easy today. None of it would have happened had it not been for Shirley. The heritage may have been on my side, but I stand here today and tell you she is by far a better Jew than I could ever hope to be.
Now, back to the original question “The Impact of Judaism on my Life”. From my story, I'd say that it has been impacting me more and more as I move through my life. I don't know what is to come, but I'm looking forward to it unfolding. I heard my Uncle say one time many years ago that he would like to have someone say the Kaddish for him when he died. Since he was a confirmed bachelor with no children of his own and at the time no inclination of his nephew ever taking up the faith, there was really in his mind no one that would around to say Kaddish or remember his Yahrzeit. Well, I think we have that covered now. But I remained convinced that his time is nowhere near because I am nowhere near proficient in reciting the Kaddish!
Thank you for listening.
Back to Yom Kippur Symposium Page
Back to Sermon Page
Home